By Seth MacFarlane
From the writer of Family Guy and director of Ted comes a hilarious first novel that reinvents the Western.
Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark is uninterested with the cruel lifetime of the yankee frontier, the place it kind of feels every little thing and something can kill you: Duels at excessive midday. Barroom brawls. toxic snakes. Cholera-infected ingesting water. Tumbleweed abrasion. anything known as "toe-foot." Even a visit to the outhouse. convinced, there are one million how you can die within the wild, wild West, and Albert plans to prevent all of them. a few humans imagine that makes him a coward. Albert calls it good judgment. but if his female friend dumps him for the main unbearable man on the town, Albert comes to a decision to struggle back—even notwithstanding he can't shoot, trip, or throw a punch. thankfully, he groups up with a gorgeous gunslinger who's tricky adequate for the either one of them. regrettably, she's married to the most important, meanest, so much jealous bad-ass at the frontier. seems Albert has simply came upon one million and one how you can die within the West.
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She had long blond hair tied back in a ponytail. Her eyes were blue, and she wore small, wire-rimmed glasses with yellow-tinted lenses. I'd even say she was cute, for a monster head, that is. She didn't look dangerous, but then again, a giant floating head didn't exactly look normal, either. "I'm Bobby Pendragon," I said to the head, trying to sound head-friendly. "And my name's Vo Spader," Spader added. " boomed the head. I felt like I was standing before the great and powerful Wizard of Oz. With any luck, there'd be some befuddled old man hiding behind a curtain pulling on levers to control the big thing.
Big time. Hey, I don't blame him. But there were a few times on Cloral where Spader got so completely wrapped up in Saint Dane-hating that he nearly got us all killed. Truth be told, Spader's anger toward Saint Dane is one of the reasons Uncle Press is dead. Since then, Spader promised me he would control himself, and his anger. I can only hope that when we come face-to-face with the demon again, and I guarantee we will, Spader won't do anything stupid. These were some of the conflicted thoughts that were banging around inside my head as I finished my last journal.
Ms. Jane Jansen had only just met the two, but she didn't seem to like them. She didn't seem to like much of anything. Her face was in a permanent state of pucker, like she had a lemon in her pocket that she was constantly sucking on. "Oh, sorry," said Mark, as if he had been caught doing something wrong. "We were reading. " "Tomorrow's Sunday," snapped Ms. Jane Jansen. "And this isn't a library. " Courtney didn't like Ms. Jane Jansen's attitude. And she definitely didn't like being called a child, especially by such a prune.